So often we look in the mirrors to see what’s wrong with ourselves and how we can improve what we see. If your hair’s out of place, if you’ve covered your face with foundation evenly, if your jeans are not ripped anywhere.
Why do we never look in the mirror and look for what’s good?
Self love and selfish has always been portrayed as bad words But many people are self less and I no longer wanted to be one of them. Why can’t I put myself first and love myself above everyone else’s opinions?
Loving myself was never a thought that crossed my mind, feeling good about myself was never experienced and I started to ask myself why?
I was never happy in school and never had many friends, but I did find my passion in music.
I chopped and changed between 6 different schools trying to be accepted and trying to find my place in society.
Everywhere I went I was getting bullied, people would walk past me and scream names directly at my face.
Girls never wanted to be my friend and I was lonely, so I made friends with the guys.
Two older girls once pulled me out of class and wanted to fight me because I had made friends with their guy friends and they were no longer the only females with guy friends.
I used to go home in tears every single day.
They used to find old photos of me and share them around the school and have people come up to me and corner me and laugh at me until eventually I couldn’t walk on my own anywhere without someone trying to pick on me.
One day I was sitting in class and my mind started drifting off and I ended up writing what I didn’t know at the time was going to be my first hit single called “The Outsiders” when I was 13. That brought so much attention to me.
Music became a release for my hurt and helped me get through a lot.
My school used to praise the younger kids for doing well. My school made a big deal about all the radio shows I was on and the tv interviews and newspaper articles but the kids around me didn’t accept that and made it even harder for me to enjoy my new coping mechanisms, my music.
I ended up becoming so depressed and anxious and didn’t want to be outside of my house, I didn’t want to be anywhere where people could see me because I thought if they can’t see me they won’t have an opinion and won’t be able to mock me.
I was in and out of hospital for 8 months because my body started reacting to my mental state and I managed to convince myself that I was going to die and everything that I felt in my body if there was a slight pain, I thought right, that’s the end of me, I’m going to die.
I went for ECGs, scans, gastroscopes.
The anxiety was causing my body to start having acid reflux and pains in my chest and it was just a vicious circle. I didn’t want to live; it was all getting to much for me and I kept on thinking how can I end my life. I was so scared to leave my mom behind and didn’t know what it would do to her if she found me if I had done something to myself.
At the age of 15 I started anxiety and anti-depression medication to help me cope. It did calm things down for me a little bit and the pains in my body went away.
Food was a coping mechanism, anytime I was sad or feeling depressed I would eat something to make me feel better. Again, this didn’t help.
I then moved to a school where people where more diverse and accepting. It was very casual and not so uptight.
God blessed me with the most amazing long brown hair and I love it because it’s mine.
I love make-up not because it covers anything up but because it enhances my beauty and yes, I do love my self.
Every morning I look forward to styling my hair and putting on my make up because it’s relaxing and therapeutic and makes me feel good.
I’ve also started looking at food in a different way and wanted it to be something that helped me better myself.
Eating better and knowing the ingredients that I’m putting in my body started to make me feel really good. I was walking up the stairs at my university and hated how I would feel so out of breath when I reached the top. So I decided to join the gym and it really made me see that loving my curvy body and treating my body like the temple it is, is a fantastic thing. We are with ourselves forever, it is important to love and care about the skin that you are in.
Instagram is full of curvy and everyday woman and they looked so happy, but I never thought I could be one of them representing body confidence. I did some research to see if it was something I could potentially do. I came across models of diversity and it completely changed my outlook. I’m so honoured to be working with them. I look forward to my journey in this industry.
To all the people of all ages, races, sizes and genders if you are being bullied, there must be something very unique and special about you that people must be so jealous that they actually have to use hate towards you to try and make themselves feel better.
I also want to add that every single person that tried to act as a roadblock in my life, it’s done me a world of good, I’m more positive and confident and happier than I have ever been in my curvaceous body. It’s all about being diverse.
I challenge you today to look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are loved, you are blessed, and you are beautiful.
Because you are.
