I’m writing this blog in my spare room, sitting by a large window. This isn’t particularly extraordinary apart from the fact it’s getting dark outside and I’m sitting in the spotlight of my desk lamp, next to a window that looks out onto my street, with no wig on.

It’s taken me 16 years to get here, sitting in this chair, with my bald head on display. I live in a quiet road so maybe it doesn’t sound like a big deal, but a few months ago, I didn’t feel comfortable being bald in my home in case a neighbour saw me. So, for me, these little moments count as baby steps towards a much bigger change. The more I challenge myself to embrace scenarios that would make me feel uncomfortable or ashamed of my alopecia, the more I’m moving towards accepting myself.

When I talk about picturing the person I want to be, it used to always start with, “well, if I had hair…”. I don’t think I realised how far my confidence has grown in recent months until I stopped to think about the woman I want to be now. Today, the person I imagine is just me but with a strong sense of self-love. It sounds cheesy but I really don’t think we should underestimate how revolutionary the concept of liking ourselves is.

I don’t want to be ashamed of being bald. In fact, I don’t want any person, whatever age, whatever reason, to be ashamed of not having hair just because society has told us we should be. Alopecia is an autoimmune condition that I have no control over. I was 13 when I started losing my hair. Over the years it has taken my eyelashes, eyebrows, in fact all the hair on my body. For many years, alopecia took my confidence too. I let hair loss dominate my life. I have said, “I can’t do that, because I wear a wig” more times that I’d like to admit. Recently, I realised if I start embracing myself for who I am then I don’t have to wear a wig in situations I don’t want to. I don’t have to wear it to ‘hide’ my alopecia at all. I can choose to wear whatever wig as and when I want to, but know I am beautiful without it too.

So how did I get to this point? Well, I started sharing my experience of alopecia on Instagram when lockdown started. Maybe I had more time at home without ‘needing’ to wear my wig, maybe I was just bored. Either way, I started seeing amazing, beautiful women with hair loss on Instagram. Reaching out to these people and becoming part of this supportive bubble of baldies has been a gamechanger for how I view myself and beauty standards.

I can’t control my alopecia, but I am finally starting to control how I respond to it. Last month, I approached a professional photographer through Instagram and asked if she would like to take my photo, with and without my wig. It was a terrifying but brilliant experience. For years, I’d always been anxious someone taking my photo in case it was obvious I had no hair. I would also avoid letting anyone do my make-up because I didn’t want to acknowledge my differences. During this photoshoot I confronted both these fears. Clearly, when I just embrace the fact that I have no hair, those fears go away.

Now I want to grow my self-acceptance into self-love. I wonder if this goal would be more attainable if I didn’t have to go to Instagram for reassurance that I am beautiful and belong? I wish I could see myself in the media, fashion and entertainment world at large. Surely these industries should reflect all ages, all bodies, all people. It shouldn’t be shocking to see a bald woman, or any person celebrating what society brands as ‘flaws’; every single body is different and wonderful.

Models of Diversity are working to redefine society’s limited conception of beauty and that work should be supported by us all. The self-love message the charity and its ambassadors propagate is an essential one. They make me want to keep working towards truly enjoying who I am. I’m still working on it day to day, I think I always will be and that’s OK.

For me, picturing the person you want to be isn’t enough. The next step is to think “what can I do to be one step closer to that person” and just do it. My first Instagram post, that recent photoshoot and this blog are all milestones on my journey to self-love.

Ultimately, it’s not about changing who you are, it’s about changing how you feel about yourself. We’re all taught to chase a better, “more ‘beautiful” version of ourselves, but you are brilliantly beautiful already, just start believing it.